That Time Of Year

Springtime is meant for flying.

It seems I just can't get away from this feeling. Every year, around the same time, it's always there. Ready to greet me, envelop me in a hug that I don't want, and then hold on longer than necessary. I don't think I can stop it; believe me, if I could have, I would. I'm just never prepared for when it comes.

It's the feeling of time slipping, no, rushing past me and I can't do anything to stop it. I'm walking on this path at a reasonable pace, and then all of the sudden the wind picks up. But it's not like I can't see it coming. I can, so I try to anticipate it, try to prepare myself mentally. But then, without fail, it's upon me, all of a sudden coming from behind. I'm caught off guard and I'm forced to launch into a run I was not prepared for. I'm not ready! I was enjoying my stroll and now I have to run? Please, can we just take a break, or at least let me catch my breath. I think I can keep up running, I just need more time. More time.

I see life passing me by as I try to run, but I'm too slow. Places and people aren't as concrete as I thought they would be. They aren't permanent fixtures in my life. The things in their life will take them elsewhere, to places that I won't be able to be a part of. I won't be able to stay in one spot where I feel comfortable. It'll be time for me to leave, whether or not I feel ready. At some point, our paths will diverge, and we won't be walking hand in hand anymore. Proximity likes to tease me, I've discovered.

I would just like a few more moments together. Is that so bad? I want to see our relationships grow. There are so many more things I would like to experience with you. I want to get better at caring, extending grace, being a better friend. I want to create a stronger bond. Isn't that a good thing to want? I want to be a part of this community longer. There is more for me to learn. I know I can grow even more here if I just had a little time more... So what can I do to put on the breaks? I just need some more pauses in my life. I don't want you to leave me okay! Is that so selfish?

But no matter what I think, how much I wish, the wind still blows. Things will still move past me, people will enter my life and then leave, and the only thing I can do during this whirlwind of a time is to keep running. Maybe eventually I'll figure out how to keep up. Maybe I'll learn how to anticipate the abrupt change of pace and be ready. Maybe then, if I'm fast enough, more skilled at juggling, I can buy some more time, some more moments. Until then....

Springtime is meant for flying.