Hold on Smalls

I'm still here, I promise.

I'll admit it, it's been a while. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just sort of did... like it always does. Things pass you by, and before you know it, you're out of the habit. Just like that, it's not a significant part of your life anymore.

It's not that it has decreased in value to you. You just don't have the time to invest anymore. There is only so much much you can do in a day, and there are other things that are more important. Papers need to get done, you could always use more studying for that test, making summer plans needs to be finalized and a plan hashed out, people need to be seen, you have to do these other things before you spend time reflecting on whimsical topics that drift into your mind...

1) That's a lot of excuses, and
2) I don't want to believe that anymore. I don't want that to be true.

I know that these excuses have value and they too are important. But why do they have to snuff out newer, smaller ideas? Why does it always seem that the little things I want to add to my life are the first to go when things get tight? What makes it so hard to commit to something small??? Just taking half an hour to type something that I want to type, that I want to talk about, just for a moment, doesn't seem like it should be that hard.

I want the small things in my life, the little habits I do, to be equally as significant and important to me as the bigger ones. And I don't think how much time I spend on something should be how I evaluate importance. I can still value something, think it's a beneficial event in my life, even if it only takes 30 minutes of my time and not 3 hours. I don't need to prove its worth in my life. If has worth, then it does. No testing needed. If this is something I really want, then the amount of spare time I have available at a given moment should be enough.

The brief moments I have in between classes, while my laundry is going, while I wait before I have to run onto something else, don't have to be wasted. I can fill them with the little. The little does have a place in my life. I don't need to eliminate them if they don't happen to fit into the large chunks of free time I might sporadically have. Small is good too. Small is enough to leave some sort of impression. Small is just the right size to fit into the big.

I'm still here, I promise.